Paris

Architecture of happiness

If I’m being really honest right now, I’ve looked to a lot of things in life with the expectation that they’ll bring me happiness. I've told myself if I could just have that salary, or that marriage, or that number on the scale-- that I'd be fully satisfied. That I'd know what real happiness was. 

 

Sometimes I’ve chased things to the point of exhaustion, but I’ve also chased some wonderful things. Because I’m a dreamer, and I love encouraging people to go after the dreams that are on their heart. But somewhere along the way, all the chasing (good or bad) caused me to fall prey to the illusion that I’m in complete control of my life. And while that’s a very seductive place to be— it’s also a cyclical one that's guaranteed to leave you unhappy and feeling like you're on a carrousel (although much less picturesque than this one). 

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After relinquishing some serious control issues earlier this year, I’ve often used the metaphor of God being the artist, and my life being the canvas on which he creates. But I've still struggled to maintain a balance of letting myself dream big and reach for the stars, while remembering God is the man with the plan for my life.

 

In the parable of the talents, a master entrusts his servants with various amounts according to his ability. We learn that each servant uses those talents to grow what had been gifted. But the servant who did nothing with what he’d been given didn't grow or receive an abundance. He wasn't rewarded with “well done my good and faithful servant” like those who multiplied theirs. 

 

I’d have to agree that God wants us to be more involved in our lives.  No, it’s not our job to be the artist and try to steal the paintbrush from him, but I have to think we were created to do more than just exist and let circumstances be thrusted upon us like paint splattered on a canvas. 

 

I think that’s where most of us miss the mark. We either live under the illusion that we have control, or we helplessly exist, claiming we can’t do a damn thing. But I believe God entrusts us with the portions that we can control, and then it’s our job do so something with it. 

 

I recently switched churches, and we’ve been talking about God being the architect of our life. This metaphor identified a missing piece of the puzzle for me— the part that lets me be involved. Because In the metaphor of God as the artist, I’m merely a canvas, but in the metaphor of God as the architect, I get to help build. 

 

Now, if I fight for the control, I’m doomed— because It’s highly unlikely that a construction worker can build a stable structure without looking to his architect to draw the plans. And sure, God absolutely doesn’t need me to do what he wants to accomplish, but he's happy to employ me. He let’s me be an active participant in the story of my life. 

 

This last year I've learned a lot about what it means to create my own happiness. I think sometimes realizing all the things you can’t control makes you also realize all the things that you can. 

 

For example, I realize that I can’t control when I’ll meet my soulmate or if that driver cut me off and laid on his horn for no apparent reason in traffic. I can’t control if the economy is falling apart or if people make decisions that betray me. 

 

But I can choose to be happy about what I’ve been gifted. God has personally entrusted me with a beautiful season in life that I have a say in, and it’s a season filled with freedom. I have the freedom to pack up and move tomorrow if I wanted, to eat ice cream for dinner, or have sleepovers with my friends without asking for anyone else’s permission. I can pull the tequila bottle out of the freezer, cut up some limes, and have a dance party on the porch to comfort my best friend because she had a terrible day at work. I can listen to someone who needs to talk, help someone who needs a favor, and be generous with how I love people. 

 

And probably my favorite freedom that this season has given me is the freedom to do things like book trips to Paris (and London, and Vienna, and then back to Paris again) simply because God has wired me with an insatiable appetite for travel.  And he's also gifted me the luxury of nothing else to keep me from pursuing it whole heartedly. 

 

There’s a lot I’m still figuring out about where my life is headed— and that’s okay. Because this is where God has me- in an uncertain season of freedom and with a heart that’s hungry for adventure. And I’ve learned to be really happy about that, and to trust there is a lot he has in store for me if I'm willing to jump at the offer.

 

This trip that Sarah and I took to Paris had a ton of significance and left us both with tons of stories that I can’t possibly sum up into one singular blog post. But for the sake of this one, Paris taught me how capable I am of creating my own happiness and making my life a more beautiful story using the resources that God’s gifted to me.

 

These days, my happiness isn’t contingent on one particular thing, because I've learned there’s a lot of things that can make me happy. Sometimes they end up being what I had in mind, and other times they look really different. But I know now that what’s in front of me is what I have to work with, and I'm proud of what I'm creating out of it. And I'd like to think that God's response will someday be "Well done, my good and faithful servant."

 

 

“Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings.” -Elizabeth Gilbert


Au Revoir

The last few weeks have been anything but calm. Life has buzzed by me so quickly in a complete state of chaos, that multiple blog posts I had every intention of publishing simply never happened. And here I am only to announce that I'll be continuing this silence for a few more weeks. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't grinning from ear to ear as to why. 

I'm leaving for Paris in a couple of days with Sarah-one of my very best friends. 

 

The word I would use to describe my friendship with Sarah is real. We don't put on a show to make ourselves appear stronger or more put together than we really are. We show up as ourselves- no matter how messy that may be. And because of that, we've been through a lot together. 

Sarah is the person where I walk in without knocking. Who I can fall in her lap and cry without needing to explain a story or give details. She just hugs me and strokes my hair and tells me everything is going to get better. She's who I start many mornings with, watching the sunrise on the back porch while we drink coffee and read our Bibles and talk about God's faithfulness. She's who always has a bottle of wine open for me to drink whenever I see the light on inside. Who I stay up late with talking about whatever is on my heart that day. She's my rock. 

 

The last couple of years have coincidentally been difficult ones for both of us as individuals. We've walked alongside one another through times of heartache and sorrow, and we booked this trip several months ago when we were right in the middle of it all. But this trip was never a grand gesture of our self-pity or an excuse to baby ourselves or something we bitterly barked about how much we deserved it. This trip isn't about anything that we lost these last couple of years. It's to celebrate everything that we've gained. 

God shows up in ways you don't expect and molds you into the person he created you to be. Through this process, we've each gained genuine faith that's been earned and fought hard for. We've gained vulnerability and bravery and learned the importance of sharing your story. We've gained new friendships that have enriched our lives that we otherwise may have never met. And we've gained hope that Jesus makes all things new and beautiful, like a Phoenix that rises from the ashes.

We've gained the knowledge that we were stronger than we ever thought. As Shauna Niequist says: 

 “I know now that I can make it through more than I thought, with less than I thought. I know better than to believe that the changes are over, and I know better than to believe the next ones will be easier, but I've learned the hard way that change is one of God's greatest gifts and one of his most useful tools. I've learned that life hands us opportunities at every turn to get over ourselves, to get outside ourselves, to wake up from our own bad dreams and realize that really lovely things are happening all the time.” 

Lovely things are happening all the time- things like growth and adventure and trips to Paris. I can't help but smile when I look back at how much has changed. The Sarah I know now is completely different than the Sarah I knew even a year ago- and she had to fight hard to become her. And she reminds me of that in myself too. And if you ask me, I think that's a pretty legit reason to celebrate. 

So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to continue my posting hiatus on here for a few more weeks so I can do just that in Paris. Celebrate the new, celebrate this journey, and celebrate all the goodness still ahead. 

In the meantime, we'd love for you to follow along the way on Instagram (@blonde_atlas and @sarahcdesign)

Au Revoir!

A huge thanks to Le Macaron for donating the most delicious macaron treats and to Catherine from Catherine Truman Photography for capturing these dreamy pictures for us!