The idea of returning has been running through my mind a lot lately. Last week I took another trip back to Colorado for work. This week I’m headed back to Chicago for the first time in over a year. And recently, I’ve been planning all the details for my trip back to Paris over Christmas.
Traveling somewhere for the first time can feel like going on a first date. You feel the butterflies, the excitement; you get to see the “best of the best” about something. It’s still too early in the game to discover any of the gritty details that eventually come up like political disruption or emotional baggage or the fact that they snore. At the beginning, it all only seems wonderful.
But returning somewhere you’ve already been introduces a new level of familiarity. Every time we go back to something, we get to know it a little better. We realize that the traffic sucks in that city too, or that Mr. Perfect has morning breath like any other human. We get to know whoever or wherever it is, for what it actually is- not just the grand idea we had in our mind. But that's an incredibly beautiful thing - to continue to return because you still want to learn even more.
I learned a lot of new things this summer when I went back to Rome. Rome was the first city I ever visited in Europe. I went wide-eyed, completely in awe of everything around me. It’s there that I discovered my love for travel was a real, significant thing- that it surpassed the normal amount of happiness most people get out of it. And so when I showed up to the Eternal City for round 2 this year, I felt like a different person. I had such a greater knowledge of my appetite for discovery. I knew so much more about who I really am and what I’m really passionate about. I felt like a second grader who saw their Kindergarden teacher at the grocery store, tugged on her shirt and shouted “Guess what!? I can read and write now! I know things about the solar system and multiplication and the life cycle of plants and animals!” I was no longer this naive tourist taking her first trip overseas with her mouth hanging open in disbelief. Now, I was a well seasoned traveller- who had learned what she loves and who had been doing a lot more of it.
If I look more closely, I can see that returning is a subject that goes much deeper than travel. I find myself returning to books I’ve already read, to emotions I thought I’d put behind me, or to God in recognition (once again) that I can’t do it on my own. But each time I gain something valuable.
In Rome, some things about returning felt the same: the tourists taking pictures in front of the Colosseum, the buzzing energy in the streets, the delicious pasta and wine, and how everything felt just as magical as ever.
But a lot of things about returning to Rome felt really different. On this trip, the Trevi fountain was under construction. I took a different routes around the city and discovered new streets and landmarks that I didn’t see the last time. I let myself notice the attractive Italian guy that was smiling at me, and I let myself smile back (because unlike the last time- I’m now single and free to do so).
Sure, my first time visiting Rome felt more magical and like a fairy tale than a lot of moments in my life. But it’s when I returned to Rome that I was able to clearly see how much I’ve grown.
Obviously, returning to Rome or Paris or Chicago all sound lovely. Unfortunately though, some things we return to are much harder to endure. But something powerful happens when we're willing to return to anything: We get a closer look than we did the first time. We have revelation. We learn.
I’ve learned that facing a fear like public speaking was brave when I started my goal workshops. But returning to face it over and over again is when the transformation to overcome that fear started to occur.
I've learned that giving myself grace to grieve after a terrible breakup was crucial. But it’s when I let myself return to that grief from time to time if I need to, rather than suppressing it or pretending it never hurts anymore, that I discover my heart is tender and still works-- which is exactly how God intended for it to be.
I’ve learned how transformational it was when I really started to walk out a life with Jesus. But it’s every time that I return to him, over and over again, that I learn how deep our relationship has become and how much more beautiful it is now.
Returning to anything is a wonderful teacher. And when we’re willing to humble ourselves and lay down pre-conceived expectations based on the past, we’re able to learn valuable lessons, appreciate experiences more, and even become better people.
I’m excited about what’s to come from returning to Chicago this week, to Paris in December, and anywhere else in life that I circle back around to. And it's my prayer that I'll approach even those difficult circumstances with the same eagerness the second round. I want to see the details that I missed the first time, to grow in my appreciation for it all, and to see God's hand in all of it along the way.
"Return to the Lord your God, for He is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love."
- Joel 2:13
