One Month Down: Two to Go

Happy Friday! I announced a couple weeks ago that in addition to my Tuesday travel posts of all the destinations I'm visiting, that I'd use Thursdays and Fridays to share more "heart updates" on here.  Coincidentally, today marks exactly one month since I left the states to explore Europe for 3 months, and I can’t believe so much has already gone by so quickly! I’ve conquered a lot of places the last four weeks: Italy (Lake Como, Merano, Venice and Milan), Croatia (Hvar and Dubrovnik), France (Reims and Paris) and now London. (I'll share some pictures of the adventures so far to break up some of the long-winded text below!)

After so much non-stop travel, I’ve loved doing “normal life” again the past few days here in London. My friend Haley has the most idyllic flat in Kensington and has been so gracious to host me for a while. I’ve loved going on morning coffee runs, walking her dog at Hyde Park, working from various coffee shops… I even signed up for ClassPass to try to work off some of the excessive carbs I’ve indulged in the past several weeks. 

But aside from enjoying some of these routine tasks that I haven’t for a while, I’ve also made a personal effort to reflect on the past month: what I’ve loved, what’s been hard, what has surprised me, etc. I've anticipated this trip for a long time--basically for the last year of my life. So now that it’s here… what do I think about it all? 

For starters, I could easily spend the next week straight writing out my stories and experience I’ve encountered and it still wouldn’t suffice.  Too much has happened already to even know where to start. But when I stop to take an even closer look, I realize that what I’ve learned from this trip started wayyyy longer than a month ago.  

Simply put, this trip has taught me that experiencing the fullness of life requires us to dream crazy big and take risks that are out of our comfort zone, while simultaneously being completely content wherever we are- even the hard places. 

This profound realization may sound simple, but I’ve found that most of us will always struggle with doing too much of one or the other. I’ve been guilty of overdoing both for most of my life.

Years ago, I clung to things in my life that were comfortable instead of leaning into my dreams. Even though I could feel them inside me all the way to my bones- screaming at me to please do something about them, for a long time I didn’t. I made excuses. I distracted myself with a "normal" steady job or social settings that were easy and mindless- grabbing drinks at the same bars with the same people. It was as if partaking in the monotony of it all allowed me to check my dreams at the door and forget that I honestly wanted a much bigger life than I was currently living out. Because let’s face it- comfortable is a lot more fun than uncomfortable in the immediate sense. And chasing big scary dreams or refusing to settle for what we really want ain’t anything close to comfortable. 

More recently though, I’ve been guilty of the other extreme. For the last year of my life, I’ve given into my dreams of traveling and pulled the trigger on making this 3 month trip to Europe happen. It’s taken countless hours of dreaming and planning and organizing and coordinating to make this idea come to life. The process has been extremely uncomfortable. It’s been overwhelming, exhausting, intimidating, and at times- I’ve felt downright crazy or even irresponsible. So what do we do when we’re uncomfortable? We live for the future… dreaming about that glorious day when the problems go away and the hard work pays off. And while I definitely made sure that I sat in those uncomfortable places long and hard, I also let my brain run away to the thought of Europe when I was still very much at home. 

The problem with either of these scenarios is that no matter which one you pick, you’re cutting yourself short of enjoying the fullness of life that God intends for you. When I reflect on the days when younger me was a prisoner to fear and ignored her dreams, I want to shake her violently until she wakes up and realizes all the life she’s missing. And when I think of all the planning I’ve done the last year, it pains me to think what beautiful moments I could have missed out on back home because my brain was already in Europe.

So what is the larger solution then? How do you boldly take risks in pursuit of your dreams without becoming a slave to the promise of the future? What does it really mean to live fully?

I know this is supposed to be the part where I tell you that I got to Europe but didn’t feel any different.  That the chasing feeling inside of me still wasn’t satisfied-because that’s how the story usually goes. The grass is always greener, right? Well, that would be a giant lie.

The truth is, I have never felt more gladness in my entire life. This trip has been hands down the best thing that has ever happened to me: the people I’ve met, the experiences I’ve had, the places I’ve seen, what I've learned about myself… every little sliver of it. I’m beyond thankful I didn’t stay put in my cozy little comfort zone that would often bore me to tears. 

But before you go jumping to conclusions, let me finish. What’s made my time in Europe so wonderful is that after working through so many emotions in the lead up, while I've been here I’ve been right here. My mind hasn't been jumping ahead to the future, it's been an active participant in the present moment. 

You see, I could very easily be appeasing the spastic planner somewhere inside of me and racing way ahead to worry about what will come next- because I’m still very uncomfortable. I have no idea what my life is going to look like in a few months when this trip is over. Literally- I have zero set plans. And normally? That would scare the $#!+ out of me. 

But the good stuff in life, the fullness that God desires for us, it happens when we notice the fear but we don’t run away from it: we don’t run away from it by settling or ignoring the dream he’s given us. We don’t run away from it by trying to figure out the next part before it comes in attempt to control. We simply notice the fear, trust, and keep pressing on in faith. 

I have no idea where God is going to take me, but for right now, I know that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be- because I’m not running from the dreams he gave me anymore. I don’t have to distract myself from living in the present either, because I’m no longer bored or unimpressed by it. And there's no sense in fearing the future, because every day that I’m here I’m learning, I’m meeting new people, and I’m presented with new opportunities… and so I’m rolling with it. Until more of the story unfolds, I am content right where I am.

For the first time in maybe ever, I feel like I’m experiencing the fruit of full living. Not manufactured happiness that’s comes from distractions or quick fixes we haphazardly throw all over our lives to temporarily entertain ourselves-- but genuine joy that comes from walking with God through all the highs and lows (because he has lessons for you in all of them) in pursuit of the calling he has for your life. 

Did you catch that last part? If not, hear me loud and clear: full living doesn't just mean happiness. Full living requires we feel it all. Hurt. Fear. Anger. Loneliness... the whole nine yards. But as James 1:2-4 says:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

When we live fully, we lack NOTHING. We know what it means to feel every single thing. And we've sat in all those places to let God teach us valuable lessons. 

Again, before you go jumping to conclusions I’m well aware that I’m far from perfect and far from having “arrived". I will probably sit too long on the next dream God gives me before doing something about it. And when I finally do, I’ll probably want to rush through the uncomfortable parts all over again. But I’m encouraged that I can now remember that the fruit of full living FAR outweighs any alternative. 

I hope reading this makes you feel uncomfortable. Not because I’m speaking with some sort of “holier than thou” complex or think I’m better by any means- because I'm definitely not. But I know now that God desires all of us to live with this fullness of life (Ephesians 3:19) and that it usually starts somewhere that's uncomfortable. 

I have so many more thoughts and stories that I could ramble on and on (and on) about on here- but one at a time. Now I'm off to explore Notting Hill (and work off the croissant I just ate for breakfast). Thanks for reading (if you made it all the way to this, I'm impressed!) Have a great weekend, friends!

xo, 

Whitney

some thoughts on gratitude

Earlier this year, I wanted to vomit at the sheer mention of Thanksgiving. I couldn’t stand the thought of smiling and pretending to be thankful for a list of cliches that were supposed to somehow make up for the searing pain I felt in my heart. It felt inauthentic and cruel to subside my hurt. But then to be expected to be thankful on top of it? Forget it. You can keep your damn turkey. I don’t even eat meat. 

Loss can take us to a lot of dark places. And people try to comfort you with those terrible “someday you’ll look back and be thankful” cliches that make you want to punch them square in the face. 

The things that were causing so much grief in my life were things I would never be thankful for. That’s what I told myself anyway. But in all fairness to myself, I wasn’t just being dramatic. I really did lose a lot this year: trusted relationships, friends, family, plans for the future- all things that meant a great deal to me. 

But I’ve also learned about God’s graciousness. I’ve seen him tear through the darkness in my life and turn it into a beautiful space.  And so as much as I hate to admit it, I think those infuriating people with their stupid cliches may actually have been right. Because I now have a list chalk full of beautiful blessings that were born because of things that I once cursed. 

I’m thankful for adventure. Travel is one of my greatest passions, and this year I've visited more places than I ever have in my entire life (over 4 countries and 17 different cities).  I've watched God recreate my life day by day, piece by piece, and city by city as he’s lead me through new, uncharted territory (both literally and metaphorically.) And what propelled me into action to start buying plane tickets and making these dreams a reality was new time and available space that had freed up following loss.

I’m thankful for time I’ve been able to spend on my own. Being a creature that's wired for companionship, I’d be lying if I denied the fact that sometimes I wish there was a fast-forward button on a cosmic remote control that could speed up the process of meeting my husband. But it’s been during this season of singleness that I’ve really learned to take care of myself. How to be alone. To fight for what I want out of life. I've learned it’s impossible to have a relationship with anyone else that’s better than the one I have with the Lord. That if I long for the future when I’m not content in the present,  I’ll never be satisfied. I can now say that I know what it means to pick myself up after the world knocked the wind out of me- and to walk again. Some days it feels like more of a long-fought journey that I’m on than others, but I can say with pride that it’s mine- not anyone else’s. And I'm really thankful to be learning so much about the person I am- the one God created me to be. 

I’m thankful for community. Losing friends can make you want to build up walls and try to keep everyone out. It's a scary and vulnerable thing to be known, and I still struggle to remind myself not to give way to that fear. But what happens when some friendships fade is that you suddenly notice the gems that stand out brighter than they did before. You have more attention to give to them. And you also create space for so many new and wonderful friends that you would have never met otherwise. You’re able to usher in an entirely new community that makes your life more rich and abundant. Because God is that good. 

And as Shauna Niequist says, "I believe that God does his greatest work in our lives during seasons of great heartbreak and loss. I believe that much of that rich work is done by the hands of people who love us, who dive into the wreckage with us and show us who God is, over and over and over."

I’m thankful for more than I ever imagined I would be this Thanksgiving. For being set free from things I didn’t even know I was a slave to. And for getting a front row seat while I watched God tell a story with my life that’s full of beauty and redemption. But I’m especially thankful for his graciousness toward me - that he's allowed me the privilege to learn so many wonderful things. My cup runneth over.  

"Do you see what we have? An unshakeable kingdom! And do you see how thankful we must be? Not only thankful, but brimming with worship, deeply reverent before God. For he isn't an indifferent bystander. He's actively cleaning house, torching all that needs to burn, and he won't quit until it's all cleansed. God himself is a consuming fire." -Hebrews 12:28-29

choose love

There’s been a lot of negative attention in the news these days. Arguably, more than usual. Controversy seems to sell even better than sex, so naturally our culture responds by magnifying anything that has some drama. We’re constantly hearing about shootings in schools and movie theaters, the long list of couples in the spotlight who are calling it quits, or the divisive state of our political candidates. We develop polarized stances on issues that tear us apart like gun control, race and same sex marriage. But we don’t stop there. We dissect far beyond the issue at large. We pick and cut and poke and stab all the way down deep to anything that’s remotely associated with each topic. Even fast food restaurants are tied to an issue (I’m still reading about Chick-fil-A how many years later?)

Even on a more shallow level, it’s become all too common for us to find humor in cynicism. We read articles about the kind of people you hate on Instagram. We follow influencers on social media or reality TV, pick them apart and laugh at them. And yet again, we don’t stop there. We take a snide comment made from one human to another, and then feel empowered to take it to a public audience on the internet via a tweet or a status.

I typically try to refrain from participating in the banter of it all— the complaining, the rolling of the eyes, the Facebook rants, and all the various forms of negativity. I’m often too exhausted or depleted at the end of each day to bother using any remaining energy on weighing in one way or the other. Liking someone's status that I can nod my head “yes” to is about as good as it gets. And if I’m being really honest, I’ve refrained from letting myself think too long about a lot of these topics (which do matter, and which I should care about) simply because of the positions that come with each belief. They make me not even want to go there. Because believing THIS signs you up to be in THAT group of people. You’re slapped across the forehead with a label before you can barely get a sentence out of your mouth. And while I'm not ashamed of claiming anything that I do believe, these complex issues are categorized in a two-dimensional way, leaving us all forced to over-defend or over-explain ourselves. It's exhausting just talking about it. 

The thing is, I really do believe that it’s important to know what you believe in, and to stand firmly by that. So that’s what I’m doing here. But this stance isn’t to coax you to take my side on a particular issue, to tell you why your opinion is ignorant, or to validate a belief of mine with some inspirational quote or recent poll that discredits yours. My simple hope for bothering to write this at all is to encourage you— whoever you are and whatever it is you believe so passionately, to do so with more love. 

You see, the people we don’t understand, the people who aren’t very nice, the people we disagree with, or the people who believe much differently than we do… they’re not going to go away. If you escape one, you’re sure to find another. And if we let ourselves respond to every offender with an equal response, we’re bound to leave each other angry, resentful, self-righteous and deeply wounded. 

I know they can make you mad. I get what it feels like when the emotions bubble up inside you, and you want to scream. How all the common logic you could ever muster seems to shine the brightest floodlight on so much unintelligence or stupidity. 

But I have to believe that people are doing the best they can. Sure, we could choose to believe differently— but do you really want to? Call me naively optimistic, but I want to live in a world where people believe that each other are good. A world where me tapping my foot and sighing impatiently at the Post Office is because I’m stressed and overwhelmed, not because I have a mean spirit. That when I feel bad about doing it later, I can believe the people around me assumed I was just having a hard day, and not that I’m a bad person overall. That regardless of how different an opinion may be from yours, it was likely formed because of many complex circumstances (whose roots go down deeper than the eye can see), not just to piss you off.  

Maybe you don’t spew hate. Maybe you’re patting yourself on the back right now because none of the aforementioned things has left you feeling guilty. And while guilt is the farthest from my motives here, I do challenge you with this. Could you be loving more? 

Saying you’ll do this- love people more and assume they’re doing the best they can, makes you feel warm and fuzzy on the inside. It sounds good on a bumper sticker. But it’s important to note that it doesn't come without a cost. 

First, it will require you to listen. To actually listen— not just wait for your cue to jump in with a counterpoint. We can only be loved to the extent which we are known, and the same goes vice versa. How can you ever love someone if you’re too busy building a case against them or trying to disprove them?

Second, it will require you to habitually make choices that go against what feels natural. This means biting your tongue. It means letting go and moving on when you know you could probably win the argument. It means doing it again and again and again every time— instead of keeping some distorted “more good than bad” tally in your head.

Lastly, it will require you to be vulnerable. Vulnerability (by definition) is to be susceptible to being wounded or hurt, and open to moral attack or criticism. Giving someone the benefit of the doubt that they’re doing the best they can and loving them means they may take advantage of you. They may call you weak or respond with other insults. They may question your motives, or speak ill of you. But somebody has to lay their weapon down first if peace is ever going to be made. 

None of the requirements above are easy, and I’m far from mastering any of them- so hear me when I say that this isn’t any kind of attempt at self-praise. But it’s my hope that we can all do a better job of putting these into practice. Because I believe it’s the only way to make the world more a bearable (dare I say wonderful?) place to live.

My hope isn’t to change any of your opinions. My hope is that regardless of your opinions, I can love you well. No matter what you believe about gun control, the presidential candidates, selfies, breast feeding, SEC football, GMOs or even something as important to me as my faith in Jesus. I want to expand my mind beyond the capacity of my own understanding. To listen to what you have to say. To assume it’s the best you can give. And to love you where you are. And I hope that you’ll find yourself able to do the same. To me, and to others around you. 

I know I said I wasn’t here to share an inspirational quote, so I guess this is the part that makes me a liar. But I’m encouraged by the thought that I’m not alone in this hope- that we all prefer a world filled with more kindness, more compassion and more love.

So let’s be mavericks. Let’s lay our weapons down, treat hate with kindness, and tear down walls that have kept us apart. Let's love each other relentlessly. Let's do the very best that we can.